With my first mock up of a feature article, I asked a person, based within my target audience, for their opinion.The following things I found were:
The white on white background, makes it illegible. Though clear, readers would still find it difficult to read it all.
With the feature article you used as your mock example
As you can see, the background in this is much darker, so maybe making your background darker, to make the text easier to read would work better.
For the pull out in the bottom left, use a song lyric or quote to attract readers into reading your article. The pull out, has to be directly quoted from the article.
Make the title a song lyric related to the photoshoot. As you can see 'woods' is in the title of the Kerrang! feature.
Maybe incorporate the word parks into your work?
''It's a hard knock park, for us''
You did well, working against the fold line.
Keep the 10 facts. If it's too long, use 5 facts.
Reference your work in the feature. Articles have the 'written by/photo by'
At the end of the feature, write 'more online etc,'
Make legible. Darken the background on the left.
Change font to a sans serif. Dyslexic people will struggle with that font.
Changes and updates to be posted soon.
